Gabriel Preston

To my precious baby boy I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you I couldnt beleive it your sister was only 3 months old,it took a long time to come to terms with the big change in my life but im always up for a challenge. The first time I saw you on that scan machine I felt the mothers love straight away and wondered what I had been so afraid of. When I was 16 weeks pregnant with you I went to the hospital and heard your heartbeat as strong as anything still hadnt felt you kicking but i knew you were there. At almost 18 weeks I went to see the midwife she couldnt find your heartbeat on that little machine I wasnt worried at all when she told me to go to the hospital to be put on the trace machine. Steph came with me we had a long wait as delivery suite was very busy. When i was seen the midwife told me she had seen your heartbeat but still could not hear it so they decided to scan me. I was scanned 5 times in total but i knew from the first time they scanned me and I couldnt see that tiny black fluttering that you had left us. Eventually it was confirmed there was no heartbeat. I broke down, my poor baby so tiny and helpless after that was a blur i remember the doctor telling me id have to deliver you naturally. The midwife came in to give me my tablet I wanted to throw it away and tell them they were wrong and my baby was fine but i knew i had to do what was best, I took the tablet and they sent me home i cried myself to sleep holding tightly to my belly knowing this was going to be the closest i would ever be to you. Two days later i was back in the hospital I had to be started off and the contractions came quickly, before i knew it you were almost here but my contractions had stopped Karina was urging me to be strong, I somehow managed to get the stregnth to push and then you were here, saturday 20/6/09 7.44 pm. The midwife asked if I wanted to see you, you stayed by my side until I left the hospital the next day. Lots of people came to see you and say goodbye,Uncle Tony & Auntie Sally Auntie Alison, Nanny Teresa & Nanny Claire and Uncle Justin. I remember the doctors coming in and asking me to agree to your post mortom it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make but I wanted to know why my perfect baby boy had left me. When I eventually walked out that room I felt such a deep sadness I got to the main entrance and I had to turn around I had to hold you it was my only opportunity. So I walked back to your room and sat and held you, you were so small but perfect. When I left the room that second time I didnt feel the deep sadness as before I felt almost complete that I had the chance to hold you and say goodbye. Back home I had your brother and sisters to keep me occupied but not a day goes by when I dont think about you. As im sitting here writing this im thinking about how big my belly would have been now Id have been nearly 28 weeks now. I cant beleive how cruel life can be, you will always be in our hearts forever, there will always be a Lilly in our home (your birth flower) mommy finds some days hard but when i look at your flower i know you are with me looking down from heaven. I know James, Paul and all the rest of the family that have passed away will look after you until i come to join you. one day we will meet again but for now I have to make do with sending messages and visiting your baby graveside. Mommy, Diego, Kaianne and Renaya send kisses everyday. Love you Baby Gabriel xxxxx







Poem read by funeral director at Gabriels funeral

An Angel


Dont let them say I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I've loved you from the start.


Although my body you can't hold
It doesn't mean I'm gone
This world was worthy, not of me
God chose that i moved on


I know the pain that drains your soul
What you are forced to face
You have my word; I'll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace


I'm watching over all you do
Another child you'll bear
Believe me when I say to you
That I am always there.


There will come a time I promise you
When you will hold my hand
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you'll understand
An Angel never dies .










What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today.
I asked what makes a Mother
And I know I heard him say.

A Mother has a baby
This we know is true.
But God can you be a Mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can He replied
With confidence in His voice
I give many women babies
When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime
And others for a day.
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay

I just don't understand this, God
I want my baby here
He took a breath and cleared His throat
And then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say

"We go to earth to learn our lessons
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much
I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a Mom
Who had so much love for me
I learned my lesson very quickly
My mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I'm here."

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are ok
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lesson is through.
And on the day that you come home
They'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart.
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Through some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,
Until their time is done.
They'll be up here with Me one day
And you know you're the best one